I am happy I don’t really have anything to do but a little but of homework. I need to memorize my flashcards for my Ancient Art class, draw for my Typography class and read for my Sex & the Family class. intermittently I might go to the store and buy some more juice for my vape, watch TV and workout. But I am really all about school this term and don’t want to waste too much time running around the city and going shopping and spending money that I don’t have at Target and Nordstrom. I bought some expensive makeup at Nordstrom the other day and I need to save my money for my Uber rides to the doctor and to the hospital for my stomach ulcer.
It’s just so nice to wake up without having a stomach ache that I feel like I want to go out and do something fun. I should probably start going back to AA meetings so that I have someone to talk to and to make sure that when I get home that I will be strong enough to resist the temptation of getting high and drinking with my friends. Because sometimes when I go home I end up getting high and using with my buddies. I know this is a terrible thing to do but I am an addict and that’s what tends to happen when I want to have fun and get around old familiar places, people and stuff, it just inevitably happens to where I end up getting intoxicated. Mostly because I feel like celebrating because I feel like I deserve to get high after I complete school.
I hate it but it’s true, I am an addict and I don’t want to use. Using drugs and alcohol have always been my downfall in my life and it’s always very dangerous because it’s like playing with fire and I do feel guilty about it when it happens. I feel like I not only do I hurt myself but I hurt those around me. I guess AA meetings would be a good solution but I have to admit that sometimes it doesn’t work. We will see what happens. It’s like a catch 22, because I know that if I start going to AA meetings then I feel very guilty when I use dope. And not only do I hurt my self when I use and destroy my life but I hurt those who love me the most like my family and all those people who have been supporting me and helping me through my journey. It sucks being an addict.
AA Support Group
I have applied for Portland State University in Oregon, U.S.A. I am so nervous about whether or not I got accepted. It has been a difficult process in finding out which classes are acceptably transferred out to an out-of-state system because I live in California. Therefore some of the classes that I took at my Junior College might not be applicable to their University standards, meaning I won’t get any credit for them when I get enrolled at PSU. Which is fine with me, I have been taking many classes for more than half of my life at the local junior college here in Sonoma County because I dropped out of regular college when I was 15 and did Independent study instead of going to regular classes at high school I took a variety of classes at the Santa Rosa Junior College and went to my high school once a week to turn in my homework to my Independent Study teacher.
The way I completed High School I feel like I learned a lot more than the regular public school kids did, but the one thing I did miss out was the socialization part. I did still have quite a few friends throughout my high school years but we mostly just hung out on the weekends because at the age of 16 I was already working a part-time job and was going to school at the college and enrolled in my Independent Study Program, so I was pretty busy.
As a result, I was the one of my friends that always had money because I had a job. So we would go to the City, San Francisco, and go to parties and raves and concerts. It was very fun and I felt so carefree at the time. Plus I had an older boyfriend who had a car and was able to drive us around. We went to the beach a lot too and would go camping and stuff like that. At least that’s what we told our parents when we would actually be going to the City and party our asses of all night long. I could go on and on about this but the party never stopped for me and I ended up hanging out with a tougher group of people after high school and started to get into things I shouldn’t have been doing at such a young age, and I stopped going to school. So that is why it has taken me such a long time to get my college degree. But finally by this summer I will have two degrees, one in graphic design and one in humanities. I am really looking forward to it. But most of all I just really want to get accepted by Portland State University. Then after two years I will hopefully get my B.A. and then I will be able to get a job in graphic design. And live in a beautiful place in Northern Oregon.