Write, Type, Fight for Those “A’s!”
It is midterm time and the end of the Spring Term. Feeling burnt out? Yeah you could say that in the least! I’m getting so tired of school and just can’t wait for my Summer vacation. I am having low motivation on completing my homework. Just pushing along hard enough to get by at this point, but I want to keep my grades up so I need to work hard and not slack off at the end like I always do.
I know I can do this. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend and I miss his dumbass very much. He really was a sweetie and a good person but not good to me while he is using drugs and in a different mind state. I was always worried about him and wondering what he was doing while high because he gets into these crazy antics and I’m practically two states away from him while I’m up here in Oregon and he’s close to Nevada. I have to admit that I really really miss him. And it makes me sad that when I go home next month for a week during Summer break that I will probably not see him, especially if he is still using. I don’t know, it’s complicated, but it’s probably best if I just leave him alone. Well I have 2 essays to work on and a summer job to look for so I have to get busy and start working on those.
Not to mention my stomach ache that I’ve had for the past two weeks. It’s been excruciating! Seriously painful. I went to the doctor and she said I probably have an ulcer so I’ve been drinking Mylanta like a Mo Fo. And it only seems to help for a little while. Soon, this coming week I will be getting an
Mylanta for Ulcer
ultrasound on my tummy to see what’s going on in there. Plus it makes me bloated and I feel like I look like I’m pregnant which makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure. I have a BOFO (you see my stomach befo’ you see my butt), because my stomach sticks out farther than my ass. How embarrassing! Anyway I hope to get my health taken care of so I can concentrate on my studies and not worry about all the pain I’m feeling in my abdomen.
I love my family so much and they have been so supportive of me and my schooling I am so grateful to have them in my life. I am hoping to go to a university up in Portland, Oregon and they are totally supportive of it. I’m looking forward to moving out of the state and sometimes I feel anxious because it’s such a far move.
I would say it’s a 12 hour drive and a 1 hour flight to Portland from where we live now. But my mom said she looks forward to coming up and visiting us, which makes me happy. I have the best family ever and I regret if I’ve ever said anything bad about them. I just realized how lucky I am and how much I should be grateful for them. But that is just the roller coaster of emotions I’m on right now with my finals at school. I hate finals week. I feel worried that I’m not going to pass my classes and I want to show them that I can and will get good grades.
Unfortunately spring break is now over. It’s time to get back on the grind of schoolwork. I tremendously enjoyed my time off with the beautiful rainy showers and intermittent sunny days peaking through the clouds. It felt like winter time all over, which is my favorite season, so I got to reminisce and enjoy the past season which we just had. I love bundling up and layering up my clothes and wearing my beanie in the cold weather. I guess you could say I’m an introvert and I like to hide under the cover of cool clothing and umbrellas and hats. It just makes me feel me feel more comfortable and a little less exposed, than in the summer when it gets hot and you have to be all out there in shorts and tank tops and such.
So I got to enjoy spending some precious time with my “infamous” boyfriend as he likes to call himself on this blog now. Where we watched movies and spent a lot of time cuddling and hanging out together. He is starting a new job tomorrow so he will be turning into my new sugar daddy at least that’s what he told me and we will be going out and doing more fun stuff like going on trips to the city and going to art museums and stuff like that, which we enjoy. We have just not had the funds lately and have barely had enough money to go out on dates to go out to eat at restuarants and out to the movies. We have pretty much just been house bound which I have been fine with but I know he is getting anxious and wants to go out more, which is why he is hoping he gets paid once a week instead of twice a month so that we can do something every week if we feel like it. I love him so much I just want him to be happy and I don’t want him or us to get bored doing the same thing all the time. I mean we are still young and we should be out there having fun and exploring and going on adventures. Which we will as soon as he starts getting paid. Although I do not know if he realizes that his job doing construction and going to school is going to be pretty demanding and he will probably be tired a lot, especially his first few weeks.
Anyway I am working on my education right now and after I get my degree and get employed I will become his sugar momma, since we plan on being together forever. I plan on paying it forward and giving back to him as much as I can and anyway I can pay my own way right now. With my parents help they will allow me to go on trips on special occasions to the museum in the city and certain things like that will not be a financial problem for me. As long as I continue to do well in my classes and am able to keep up with the work I will be ok. That is my first priority at the moment right now, doing well in school, and I am. I currently have a very high “B” in my difficult math class and I have an A in my other social media class. I like my social media class because it introduced me to this blogging stuff and I absolutely love it. I have gotten liked and comments from people when I would never expected it. I’m so thrilled that people are reading my posts it makes me happy to know that people can relate to what I’m going through. So for all of you who are reading this and for all of you who comment and follow me thank you it really means alot to me. I have to admit I am an attention seeking person.
My boyfriend was concerned of why I was sharing my diary with the whole world and wanted to know if there was something we needed to talk about but it’s just something I enjoy doing. I like to see if other people will read my entries, if other people can relate to what I’m going through and if anyone has an interest to what my daily activities are but me. And I’m surprised that they do and if not that’s ok too. I’m mostly just writing for myself to see if I can become a better writer/person and improve on myself as a whole. There’s many things that come to light to when I’m writing about my daily activities. and things I find I can improve on. Or things that I find patterns in. Sometimes there’s things that I’m embarrassed to share about. But I haven’t had the guts to get that far to the point of writing about those things yet. I read other people’s posts and I am inspired by their writings one day I hope I can be as good as them. And one day I hope I can inspire others too.
My boyfriend and I are just relaxing in bed. He is playing his guitar while a watch the movie “Girl on a Train.” I’m using his Hotspot to write this post as I’m almost out of data on my phone. He is playing Karma Police by Radiohead and he says he wants a smoothie. But all we have in the fridge is milk.
We were going to go to church this morning as we are both in recovery and like to do things for bettering our spiritual connection to God. Like it says in the 12-steps programs. He is so sweet and I love how he is open to doing all sorts of things like that with me. Although we woke up too late.
He says he doesn’t like the coffee he got so we are going to the store soon to buy some stuff for the house. Yesterday he got a new/used truck so he can continue his job search and hopefully get a job soon doing construction or whatever he wants to do. He ended up having to scrap his old truck a couple days ago but his parents came down to help him purchase a used car for work and transportation purposes, because he lives out in the country and a bike is not an option when you are looking for a new job in construction.
I love Bryan so much. We have been together for almost two years now. After being separated from each other for ten years when we were together for about five years before. Although back then it was a turbulent relationship due to the fact that we were both strung out on heroin and cocaine. Those days were terrible and I’m so grateful were both clean now. He has about 7 months and I have 5 years clean and sober. So together we are a strong couple.
He is more of an extrovert type and I am more of an introvert type. We balance each other out well. He is the most gentle, loving, thoughtful and caring man I have ever met and I plan on being with him for the rest of my life. Not to mention he is handsome as hell and gets me going every day. He is my knight in shining amour. I love him so much it’s hard to put into words. I could just go on and on about all the good things about Bryan but I don’t want to bore you but I have to admit I am truly and surely head over heals in love with this man. And I am so lucky we found each other through Facebook and ran into each other at Big Lots on that faithful and beautiful day. He is my biggest supporter and love of my life. Did I say that already? Well I mean it. I will stop now for fear of getting to mushy.
Do you have anyone that you love or have ever loved this much? If so I would love to hear about it. Being the hopeless romantic that I am.