I am happy I don’t really have anything to do but a little but of homework. I need to memorize my flashcards for my Ancient Art class, draw for my Typography class and read for my Sex & the Family class. intermittently I might go to the store and buy some more juice for my vape, watch TV and workout. But I am really all about school this term and don’t want to waste too much time running around the city and going shopping and spending money that I don’t have at Target and Nordstrom. I bought some expensive makeup at Nordstrom the other day and I need to save my money for my Uber rides to the doctor and to the hospital for my stomach ulcer.
It’s just so nice to wake up without having a stomach ache that I feel like I want to go out and do something fun. I should probably start going back to AA meetings so that I have someone to talk to and to make sure that when I get home that I will be strong enough to resist the temptation of getting high and drinking with my friends. Because sometimes when I go home I end up getting high and using with my buddies. I know this is a terrible thing to do but I am an addict and that’s what tends to happen when I want to have fun and get around old familiar places, people and stuff, it just inevitably happens to where I end up getting intoxicated. Mostly because I feel like celebrating because I feel like I deserve to get high after I complete school.
I hate it but it’s true, I am an addict and I don’t want to use. Using drugs and alcohol have always been my downfall in my life and it’s always very dangerous because it’s like playing with fire and I do feel guilty about it when it happens. I feel like I not only do I hurt myself but I hurt those around me. I guess AA meetings would be a good solution but I have to admit that sometimes it doesn’t work. We will see what happens. It’s like a catch 22, because I know that if I start going to AA meetings then I feel very guilty when I use dope. And not only do I hurt my self when I use and destroy my life but I hurt those who love me the most like my family and all those people who have been supporting me and helping me through my journey. It sucks being an addict.