I have been enjoying my summer break from school so much. Not to mention I have actually been following through with the things I said that I wanted to do, like going to the gym and going to more AA (alcoholics anonymous) meetings. Plus I’ve been getting to hang out and spend the night at my boyfriend’s house more often. At first I thought that he and I would get sick of each other, but we haven’t. We have spent every night together for about a week and I am just absolutely loving it. I can’t wait till he and I move in with each other when we move to Portland, Oregon.
Today I have already been to the gym this morning and in a few minutes I am headed to an AA meeting in the town I live in. Then after the meeting I am going out to coffee with a friend from the meeting. I hope to discuss with him how to improve my credit score because he is a former credit counselor and he will know a lot more about repairing bad credit than I will. I am 36 years old and I happened to ruin my credit score when I was younger and took advantage of credit cards and buying cell phones using my credit while I was still in my addiction.
I was worried that I was not going to have enough things to do while I was on summer break but I have to work on getting ready for the move to Portland and I also have to work on getting some scholarships and other school financial aid assistance. Since I will not be working while I will be going to school full time I am trying to get as much help as I can. Fortunately I did well and got good grades while I was at the Junior College that I was able to get a letter of recommendation from one of my former teachers for a scholarship
Siletz, Tribal Logo
and I feel very grateful for that. I am also working with my Native American Indian tribe which is going to help me with the tuition for school. I am so thankful for my background and my heritage knowing that I am part Native American has never been as beneficial as it is to me right now.
I’m free! Yesterday was my last college course for the spring semester. I’ve taken all my finals and gone to all my classes. Now I have three weeks until my summer class starts. I think I did well in my classes. I struggled through my math class but overall I think I came out with “B’s” in both of my classes. If not “B’s” then I came out with high “C’s” which would be a slight bit of disappointment, but it’s more important that I passed my math class. I’m just so glad I’m done with them and that I completed them to the best of my ability. I will never have to take another math class again unless I decide to try to get a college degree at a California State college. So I’m grateful that I am going to a class which is out-of-state, in Portland, Oregon. I am looking forward with trepidation to see what my final grades will be. I had a hard time with the math final, which might bring my grade down a bit but other than that I did well on all the exams and homework.
Now I can look forward to doing some fun things in the summer. For example, next week I will be going to a wedding with my boyfriend and his family. I might go on a rafting trip and I’d like to go backpacking in the Sierra Mountains with my boyfriend and my family. Plus I would like to start going to more AA meetings and going to the gym more often. Which I will be able to do since I will have more time on my hands.
Today is my birthday. I am feeling “old” because I am turning 36 which seems old to me. I never thought that it would take me this long to get my education but I consider myself a returning adult at college. I don’t like to admit it, but I feel old because I lost a lot of years when I was in my addiction. I actively was using for about fifteen years of my life. During that time I struggled to go to school and keep a job. My younger brother already has his Bachelor’s degree and he is ten years younger than me. So sometimes it’s kind of embarrassing to admit how old I am when I am talking about going to college, but getting my degree is something I have always been very passionate about. And I will hopefully never let drugs and alcohol get in the way of that again.
Today I am cramming for my math final. There are only two days left of school and then it’s summer vacation. At 2 p.m. today I have an appointment with my tutor and I hope that she can help me finis
h learning more about how to do these equations that contain logarithms. I used the “Khan Academy” site online yesterday which actually helped me understand the basics of logarithms. But I am still having some trouble with the longer and more complicated equations. I always thought that I was pretty good at math until we got to this last part in the algebra textbook. It is the end of the book and I am surprised that throughout the semester we made it through the whole entire math textbook. We covered quite a lot of information and I am hoping that I can retain most of everything we learned. I’m thankful that the teacher is allowing us to use a 3×5″ card with notes on it for the exam.
Once the math final is over I will feel like I am finally free of worrying about school. I am only taking one class this summer and the rest of the time I will use to get ready to move out-of-state and get signed up for school at PSU. Also I would like to start going to the gym everyday and go to more AA meetings. I miss talking to my friends there. Plus I will be working on getting scholarships and grants for school on the fall. But for now I am literally counting down the hours till my math final. Until then I am super busy and will be spending each spare minute I have on studying for the math final. Wish me luck, I am going to need all the help I can get.
Soon it will be time to transfer to PSU and I will get an apartment or house somewhere near to the school. So far Craigslist looks good for pricing out rentals. I am so elated on furthering my education and moving up from a Junior College to a formal University. I just can’t decide if I should live close to downtown, where the school is located, or if I should live out-of-town where I will probably want to bring my car with me. I have lived in San Francisco before and it would have been a hassle to have a car with me at that time, as far as parking goes and such. I wouldn’t need a car in downtown Portland because the public transportation is so good, plus I have a good bicycle and would like the easiest way to travel to and from home and school.
I didn’t realize that I had this blog site connected to my vaping site and Twitter and now I feel embarrassed that more people have been reading my posts than I previously thought. Oh well I added a widget that I wasn’t trying to add, I was just testing things out and now I feel like more people than I previously thought might have been reading my posts when I was in a bad mood and complaining about certain things that I could have just kept to myself. But I started this site because I was interested in starting a different blog, and I wanted to get feedback from other college-like students. which have been getting back to me and it has been really cool.
Once I am done with this semester I will continue my blogs because they are fun and I enjoy getting feedback from people. But I found out I should never blog when I’m in a bad mood because then I start complaining about things and people and I could hurt someones feelings or offend someone. So I have realized I should probably not use this as a place for an emotional dumping ground. I would like to talk about other things instead of just complaining about stuff that happens throughout my life and instead find a niche that I could write about, which now is basically about my life as a college student. I was thinking that I like to read other people’s posts when they talk about deep personal and touching stuff because I can relate to it and it inspires me. There’s a lot of college students that I’ve talked to already who I can empathize with and I think it’s cool. I have 80 followers on my other blog “sonomacountyvaping” and I wish I had more followers on this site. But it doesn’t really matter either way it’s just nice to find something in common with people all over the world, it really fascinates me.
I am just trying to make a life for myself and trying to gain a formal education. I have almost 5 years clean and sober. I will have my 5-year sobriety birthday coming up and I am very glad I have made it this far and am hopefully going to get to get a college degree from the Santa Rosa Junior College after this coming summer semester. I will get two degrees, an Associate degree in Graphic Design and another degree in Humanities. Then in the fall I will be taking classes at PSU to obtain a Bachelor’s Degree in Graphic Design. I am so happy and looking forward to it.
I love my family so much and they have been so supportive of me and my schooling I am so grateful to have them in my life. I am hoping to go to a university up in Portland, Oregon and they are totally supportive of it. I’m looking forward to moving out of the state and sometimes I feel anxious because it’s such a far move.
I would say it’s a 12 hour drive and a 1 hour flight to Portland from where we live now. But my mom said she looks forward to coming up and visiting us, which makes me happy. I have the best family ever and I regret if I’ve ever said anything bad about them. I just realized how lucky I am and how much I should be grateful for them. But that is just the roller coaster of emotions I’m on right now with my finals at school. I hate finals week. I feel worried that I’m not going to pass my classes and I want to show them that I can and will get good grades.
An Example of Logarithms
I am pretty much gonna say this math exam was a toss up and that I pretty much got an “F”. Which calculates into getting half of the questions right. It was super difficult for me. Right now we are studying logarithms which is the last part of my algebra class and I have to admit that I have no idea what is going on. To me it seems like a lot of the other students also did not know what to do too. Which to me means the teacher is not teaching us very good.
I am not going to continue to complain about the teacher but I have to admit I do have some personal issues about her teaching methods. This is one of the reasons I have a tutor, but with the tutor it is still hard for me to learn how to do the logarithms. I am hoping that by next Monday when I see my tutor again that I will have a better handle on this. I can’t wait for school to be over The last final I will have will be on May 23rd, which is a day before my birthday.
Today my boyfriend and I went shopping for my early birthday present and he bought me a really nice vaporizer. Which you can read and see more on my other site “sonomacountyvaping“. It is a machine that you use to smoke a liquid juice that has nicotine in it which can help you to stop smoking. It is a nice vape and it was expensive. I am so happy and satisfied with it that I will be using it all the time.
I am trying to get along better with my family and have them not get mad at me, but for some reason they all seem to be pissed off at me for no reason, especially my dad and my brother. My mom is nice to in front of my face. But I think that is because I am trying to help clean up around the house a little bit. Like washing and putting away the dishes, folding their clothes and putting them away in their room. And basically just trying to stay out of their way. We will see how it goes but that’s pretty much all I can do at the moment I don’t know how else I can help out around the house. I think my dad is just generally upset right now because he is not getting much business for his architect firm and my poor brother is just sick of living here at the house and having nothing better to do than go bicycling. He is training to go pro. I can understand what they are going through so I am just going to try to be nice to everyone and not get upset or act mean to anyone. I will not be mean to them even if they are nasty or mean back to me.
I usually don’t enjoy Monday’s, the start of the workweek, back on the grind. But today I was kind of looking forward to it. I have written long list of things for me to do for today and I like to stay busy, especially when it’s something exciting like going to a University and moving out of state to pursue my dreams and goals. I have been complaining about things to much and I realized looking back on these blogs that I am very self-critical and am always try to be perfect and can always find something about myself that I don’t like and then I zoom in and focus on that one thing about myself that I get obsessed with it and it can totally take me over and swing my mood to a depressive state like seriously take over my mind which then affects my mood. And I don’t like that about myself. I mean there’s a fine line between trying to be a better person but no one is perfect and no one ever will be. I was reading a book last night and the author was talking about how the only humans who are truly
Save The Salmon. “If we could see it through their eyes.”
living perfect and truthful lives without any clutter of the mind or living a lie are babies and infants. They have to be taught how to be cynical and angry and hateful. These are all learned behaviors that we pick up along the way for one reason or another we are conditioned to look at the flaws in life and think about ourselves or other people badly.
I know that when I find myself judging people I usually am not feeling good about myself, or if I am getting impatient or road rage in the car then I am not feeling good about myself. It’s weird because after I go to an AA meeting I usually am a much nicer driver and let people go in front of me and don’t drive around like a crazy person. So I apologize for anyone who’s read this blog and has had to read my complaints, it’s kind of embarrassing and I have no excuse other than the fact that I am stressed out about my schoolwork and it’s because I want to get a perfect score and I am not even close. I just feel like I want to give up and I get sensitive that I think the teacher and students don’t like me and that’s why i am getting bad grades, but it’s really just because I am projecting my anger onto everyone else, and it’s happening every I go. No fun! I can’t wait till I can get this semester over and have a break from all this stress. Where ever I go my ass follows me.
I am happy today because I had something to look forward to. I am getting ready to transfer to PSU and I am going to be studying a subject which I really like and am passionate about; Graphic Design. At the Junior College I loved all my Graphic Design classes and I did very well in them. I guess you could say I was a teacher’s pet and I did the best work that I could. I would get obsessed with the projects and spend endless hours on them. I think I am pretty craetive, but most importantly I have fun doing it. Sometimes my work is better than others but it’s just the ideas that are fun to come up with. I feel like once I get a formal training I will be much more skilled and going to a university might help me mature a little bit and help me get a job while I’m up there.
By the way my family got a new puppy. She is absolutely adorable. But she has show me how much work it is to take care of a puppy and I don’t think I will get a dog unless it’s full grown and it is from the animal rescue place.
Cutest dog ever!